The end of 3rd grade

Alex is almost done with 3rd grade.  Funny, when he was small and going to his special ed preschool classes I wasn't sure we would ever get here.  I had such a hard time imagining him at this age. 

This year he played soccer in the fall and spring.  He played basketball in the winter.  He did pretty well with both sports.  I feel like (in addition to the exercise) team sports are good for him.  He is practicing listening (to his coach and his teammates), he is learning to work collaboratively, he is having to communicate with his teammates, he feels as though he belongs. 

He has been playing with 3 other boys in the third grade.  One is a neighbor who comes over about twice a week.  He and Alex play pretty rough - they play on the trampoline and they play dodgeball.  It is good for Alex to expend his energy with another child who is not intimidated by his roughness.   He also plays with a boy who really only wants to play on the computer.  This is ok, it is only once a week or so.  It is their thing and I am OK with it since it is not too often.  The third boy has Asperger's.  He is more affected than Alex.  He is older than Alex although in his class.  Alex seems to show him how to do things.  It is interesting watching them play.  They do a lot of swinging and jumping on the trampoline.  Not much game playing or talking. 

Alex has struggled mightily with paying attention and staying organized at school.  I have gotten numerous calls from the special ed teacher about this throughout the year.  He is oblivious to much that is going on.  It is hard to know how to help him since I am not in school with him.  I try to help him keep his homework folder and backpack organized but I cannot be there to remind him to pay attention or to write his name on his paper or to hand things in! 

Although I have avoided it so far, I have made an appointment with the ADHD pediatrician at his pediatrician's office and I am open to trying some medication.  He is really struggling.  I do hear a lot of comments from people like "ADHD doesn't really exist" and "People should not drug their kids".  However, I am open to trying this to help him.  Not to make my life or the teacher's life easier.  He is not in a special school or a special classroom.  He is mainstreamed in a "regular" classroom and has to perform all the same tasks as the typical kids.  And he is struggling, have I mentioned that??  He cannot follow more than one command.  For instance, I can say "Go get your shoes on" and he MIGHT do it.  More often, I will find him distracted by the cat or a toy or a pencil.  He cannot follow 2 commands like "Brush your teeth and get your pajamas on".  He is well over 9 years old.  He should be able to do this, but cannot.  Is it any wonder he is having trouble in a typical 3rd grade classroom where they are expected to do multiple tasks on their own without being reminded? 

Did I mention he loves to run? His uncle took him to a fun run and he won!  He also came in 3rd in his whole school for most laps run during the school's jog club in April.  He has boundless energy.

I am looking forward to summer and the end of homework!

3rd Grade

I know I have not posted in so long.  What can I say?  I have gone back to work in nursing and after taking care of patients at work and coming home and taking care of my own 4 kids, I am exhausted most days!  I am glad to be back at work, I did miss it.

One thing that I feel guilty about, however, is not being able to volunteer at school or be involved at school like I used to be.  This has been kind of a tough year for Alex.  They say that in 3rd grade the focus goes from "learning to read" to "reading to learn" and that this transition is difficult for many children.  Alex is having a hard time with the new demands: note taking, book reports, geography.  Mostly, though, he struggles with just the "housekeeping" of school: remembering his name on his paper, remembering to turn things in, remembering his homework, and yes, even remembering to go straight to class from the bus.  He has 13 (THIRTEEN!!) tardies because he does not go right to class from the bus.  On top of his difficulties, we are strapped with a teacher who apparently does not think it is important to communicate with parents.  Extremely frustrating!!!

Alex takes it all in stride.  He has 2 friends who come over to play regularly.  He just finished basketball (he is a great defensive player) and is ready to start soccer.  He still loves to swing and jump on the trampoline.  We got him an inexpensive laptop for Christmas and it is his pride and joy.  Best investment I ever made.  We also recently found out he has asthma and he is independently using his inhaler and taking his other new medications with very little guidance from me.  It is amazing to me how much he is capable of when just given reminders and a little guidance.  Makes me wonder what is going on at school sometimes!

I hope all is well with you my friends! 

Concrete Thinking

Anyone who knows someone on the spectrum recognizes one of the hallmarks is concrete thinking.  Sometimes it is kind of funny.  On vacation at the beach last week Alex wanted to leave the beach house and go to the beach.  I said he had to find his aunt who was already there so an adult would know he was down there.  I said "If you can't find Aunt Lucy come back and wait for me to take you."  He said "OK!" and went running down the steps, only to turn around and say "What do I do if I find her?" 

I am thinking the average 4-5 year old would not need an explanation of what to do if he found his aunt.  However, at almost 9 Alex needed to ask.  There is a definite deficit with abstract thinking and inferencing.  We do inferencing activities at home which he does pretty well on for the most part, but using those skills in real life is sometimes a challenge.  Sometimes it makes for a chuckle!

The Start of Summer

Summer has begun and now that I have a job I have to find childcare for the first time.  It is a real challenge!  I have been busy for weeks trying to cobble together childcare for my two youngest and I only work part-time!  They will be doing some camps and I have some babysitters and help from my mom. 

I have been pretty diligent about keeping Alex engaged and not letting him just go off by himself a lot.  He played soccer again this spring and had twice weekly playdates with a boy in his class.  I try to take him with me when I run errands as much as he will tolerate and engage him in the tasks of grocery shopping, going to the library, taking the cat to the vet, etc.  I try to use the conversation techniques we learned in RDI.  For example, rather than asking him yes/no questions, I make statements for him to respond to or ask open ended questions.  This "forces" him to make natural conversation and use his language skills.  He is doing much better with this.  He still struggles with "echoing" what he said and eye contact.  Eye contact does not come naturally to him and he has to think about it each time he talks to someone.  He does not like it when people get too close.  When his friend runs up to him at the bus stop as boys do, Alex shrinks away from him and often wants to wait in the house for the bus.  Too much commotion at the bus stop.  Interestingly, he is fine with "wrestling" and rough-housing type games so it is not the contact he doesn't like.  He just doesn't seem to like when people "come at him".  I have noticed this in him since he was very small. 

He has new interests now that he is getting older.  He loves Star Wars, basketball, sharks, and chess.  I try to explore anything he is interested in in any way I can and from those interests, try to introduce him to others.  My goal is to keep him engaged, communicating and asking questions.  It is so easy for him to slink off and spend the whole day by himself on the trampoline or rolling around on an exercise ball.  He is very much able to stay engaged and play and communicate nearly as well as other 8 year olds.  It just does not come as naturally to him.  And he does need breaks from activities and people.  This is when I find him rolling around on his exercise ball.  He will tell me "I need to be away."  I am glad he can communicate this need to me.  There was a time when he could not. 

He is officially done with the early elementary school years as he begins 3rd grade in 10 short weeks.  I have been somewhat sad to watch all my kids grow up out of the little kid stage.  I am finding it all that much harder with Alex.  We have been through so much together through his early childhood years!  Yet I see him pulling away and yearning for independence.  It makes me so happy and so sad at the same time.  

Annual Physical

It's been a long time since I have posted!  Mostly just because I have been very busy.  I have been substituting for our school district both as a teacher's aide in special ed and in the clinic for the school nurses.  And I have been job hunting and taking an RN Return to Practice class at our local community college.  And last week I got a job!  I will be going back to work outside the home for the first time in 12 years.  I have very mixed feelings.  Excited to get back to work and back to nursing.  Excited to learn some new skills.  But sad to leave my stay-at-home mom days behind.  I am so grateful to have had the luxury of the choice to stay home with my kids.  Especially Alex.  I think about all those preschool days and years of therapy.  I'm not sure how I would have managed if I had had to work, especially since my husband's job requires some travel.  And I have said over and over "I don't know how those working moms do it."  I still don't know but I guess I will find out!

As for Alex, second grade is coming to a close and I have to say it has been a pretty successful year overall.  A couple interesting tidbits.  One of Alex's issues is his tendency to sometimes get obsessed with things.  Well this year I kept hearing over and over about this boy in his class, K.  I mean it was "K, this" and "K, that".  Naturally, I assumed this child must be the uber-popular type all kids seem to gravitate towards.  Well as I found out from my substituting, this boy is obviously autistic.  Alex thinks he walks on water.  He is a cute interesting little boy, just not what I expected.  How's that for me stereotyping and making assumptions?  I learn something new from Alex all the time!

Alex has really been doing well over all.  Like most kids, and especially kids on the spectrum, he does really well when there is structure and he knows what to expect.  He does well and communicates well with kids and adults he is familiar with.  Today I was reminded of his "spectrummy side" when we went for his annual physical.  First off I pulled him out of school which didn't upset him but nonetheless disrupted his routine.  We went to the doctor and I reminded him that when she asked him questions, he needed to look at her and answer her.  His way of dealing with an unfamiliar and therefore uncomfortable situation was to get extremely silly.  He answered her questions but made up fake answers.  He told he he doesn't brush his teeth, he doesn't go to the dentist, he doesn't wear a helmet when he rides his bike and he doesn't go to sleep at night.  He was goofy and ridiculous throughout the whole appointment.  I have to admit I was angry and annoyed even as I recognized this was his way of dealing with the unfamiliar.  He is just not capable of dealing with situations where he feels uncomfortable like typical kids can.  He often acts ridiculous.  I think this is an area I will work on with him.  Learning to deal with unfamiliar circumstances and people.  Many kids struggle with this but for kids on the spectrum it is a hallmark of their behavior.  Alex does not have meltdowns but often acts out of control, goofy and silly when he is uncomfortable.  It can be almost as bad as an all-out autistic meltdown.  By the end of the appointment he was running uncontrollably around the waiting room like a 2 year old while I "tried" to talk to the doctor.  By the time we got back to school and he was in his element again, he was calm and in control of himself again.  Clearly in his comfort zone.

Musings on parenthood and "Parenthood"

Yes, I know it's been a while since I have written here. Why? Summer with 4 kids is the main reason. The other is that I haven't felt the urge to blog. Nothing much has changed. Alex continues with speech therapy and continues to do fairly well albeit with the challenges that have always and will always be there for him.

That's the thing about something like SPD, ASD, or ADHD. There is no cure, there is no "growing out of it". Sure, some behaviors improve but there are always new challenges to take their place. It is not like an illness or injury when you can look back and say "remember when..." and recognize your child has healed or recovered. It just is. We are blessed. Alex is doing much better than I hoped for back when he was a non-verbal 3 year old. He has a new friend that lives down the street. He is participating in soccer and is mainstreamed at school. I try not to think too much about the future because that is when I get overwhelmed. I see my older sons in middle school and how vicious kids that age are and can't stand the thought of my vulnerable son in that place. I try to take it one day at a time while getting as much help as possible for him now to lessen his vulnerability when he is 12 and 13.

As I have blogged previously, I love the show "Parenthood" for it's sensitive and realistic portrayal of a boy with Asperger's. However, I was cringing last night about a new storyline that seems to have popped up: adoption. One of the characters and her husband are hoping to adopt. The "latte girl" at her office is pregnant and said she is not keeping the baby. This prompted Julia (who is hoping to adopt) to mention to family members she wondered if she could "buy the latte girl's baby". I think? it was meant as a kind of sarcastic joke (which wasn't funny) AND I suspect this storyline will continue and "something" will develop between the latte girl and Julia concerning the baby.

I read that one of the producers (or maybe writers?) on "Parenthood" has a child with Asperger's and that is why they have done such as good job on a subject where so many other TV shows and movies have portrayed only stereotypes. I can only HOPE that there is someone on set who can give the same kind of sensitivity to adoption but so far it isn't looking promising. I for one will be quite disappointed if the storyline devolves into a made-for-TV-movie type stereotype of adoption. Keeping my fingers crossed...

Goodbye OT!!

Alex has reached a milestone: he was discharged from OT a couple weeks ago. He went to OT for sensory integration which will always be a challenge for him. His goals were to stop chewing everying, to be able to tolerate smells better, to get a handle on his sensory seeking (the constant jumping and spinning, etc.), and to strengthen his core. (Many kids with sensory processing disorder have weak cores, including Alex.) He also worked a lot on motor planning activities. He was often unable to execute complex motor activities due to poor motor planning. It was interesting to watch him and Sara on playground equipments. She would be up and flipping around in seconds and he couldn't seem to figure out how to do anything.

The discharge does not mean he no longer has SPD or that his sensory issues are resolved. Far from it. We still have plenty to work on at home and he will likely always have issues with sensory processing. However, he has met the goals we set for him when therapy began and he is learning how to compensate for some of his difficulties. For example, instead of jumping mindlessly on the furniture or running back and forth between furniture pieces and slamming himself into them (to get needed sensory input) he has learned to jump on the trampoline or ask to swing on the neighbor's swingset. These are more socially appropriate ways to get his sensory input. He has stopped chewing on all his clothes, sucking his fingers and biting metal objects. We have learned that soda, with its carbonation, gives him the oral input he craves. Not that I love giving him soda, but it is better than having a 7.5 year old who sucks his fingers all day long or chews on metal fences and bleachers. We have learned that the therapeutic listening CDs really calm him, that doing wheelbarrow walking and therapy ball exercises will keep his core strengthened, and that word searches and puzzles help with his visual processing. We continue to work on these at home as well as other exercises and activities.

He continues in speech therapy to help with pragmatic language, otherwise known as social language. Recent testing indicates this is still a problem for him. He particularly struggles with inferencing. In other words, he can't guess what is going to happen, or what someone means unless it is said outright. Even in books for much younger children, he cannot guess what will happen next or tell why someone is doing something unless it is spelled out. He gets humor and sarcasm which is a huge plus. He is actually pretty funny and jokes a lot. I feel lucky about this. Many kids with pragmatic language problems don't understand humor and/or sarcasm. He understands that words can have more than one meaning and that some expressions can't be taken literally (for example: I was laughing my head off.) Again, many kids with pragmatic language disorders don't understand these types of expressions. He doesn't use expressions like these or speak as naturally as a neuro-typical child, but he does usually understand when others use them. Often when he speaks, it sounds like he is struggling to get his words out. He often whispers to himself and repeats words. These are issues that don't seem to be resolving despite 6 years of Speech Therapy and perhaps they never will. I am OK with that. I am so thankful he is able to fully express himself and carry on a conversation with me as there was a time when it didn't seem possible.

So...goodbye for now OT. Can't say I will miss you!!